


Escalatio

by detectivejigsaw



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Ford wins, Gen, Humor, Lamby Lamby Dance, Play Fighting, Post-Weirdmageddon, Stan and Dipper bonding moment (sort of), Stan vs. Dipper, Teasing blackmail, The Stan Wrong Song, doughnuts, drabble-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:35:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21913762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/detectivejigsaw/pseuds/detectivejigsaw
Summary: Dipper wants the last doughnut.  So does Stan.Hilarity ensues.A cute little fic to hopefully warm your hearts in these cold winter months.
Relationships: Dipper Pines & Stan Pines
Comments: 20
Kudos: 127





	Escalatio

The box of doughnuts had been full half an hour ago, when Stan brought it to the kitchen in an unusual act of generosity. But then Mabel and her friends and Soos had joined Stan and Dipper at the table, so of course it was rapidly depleted. Until they ran off for their respective activities, and all that was left was a large, perfectly-glazed bear claw at the bottom of the box.

Stan reached out to grab it at the same moment that Dipper did-as soon as they realized the situation, they glared at each other across the table, like lions over the same hunk of zebra.

“I saw it first!” Dipper declared.

“I bought it, kid,” Stan growled. “ _And_ I touched it first.”

“I’m younger, I need the calories more.”

“I’m older, I don’t have much time left ta enjoy the sweet things in life.”

It occurred to Dipper to suggest just splitting the bear claw in half...but instead an unusually mischievous voice in his head led him to say, “I’ll show Grunkle Ford the ‘Stan Wrong Song.’”

Stan’s eyes widened behind their glasses. “You wouldn’t.”

Dipper grinned evilly. “Mabel gave me a copy for my phone. I’ll show it to him right now.” And then he abruptly yelled, “OH, GRUNKLE FORD! CAN YOU COME HERE A SECOND?”

Stan’s eyes went comically wide with horror. But then, instead of relenting like Dipper expected, an evil grin of his own sprang to his face.

“Well, you’d know all about bein’ a song and dance man, wouldn’t you...Mr. Lamby Lamby?”

Dipper’s grin evaporated. “How did you-”

“Your ma sent me a video of it when you were little, said it was the cutest thing she’d ever seen and she just had ta show it ta everyone. You wanna show Ford the ‘Stan Wrong Song’? Go ahead-see what happens.”

And out of the blue he produced a small video tape from his coat pocket with the hand not still clutching the doughnut.

“...Do you always carry that around with you?” Dipper asked, blinking.

Stan’s eyes shifted back and forth. “...Yes.”

For a moment longer the two of them sat, giving each other the same kind of challenging glares-and then Dipper lunged, scrabbling for the tape. Stan lurched backwards out of his chair, struggling to hold it out of reach and fend the boy off at the same time.

“Give it up, Stan!”

“Never!”

“The doughnut is mine!”

“Nuh-uh, squirt, not while I got breath-!”

“Dipper? You called me?”

The combatants froze in place as Ford entered the kitchen.

He stared at them in bewilderment. “What on earth are you doing?”

As they struggled to come up with a reasonable explanation (and the tape mysteriously vanished from Stan’s hand, while a suspicious tape-shaped bulge appeared in his coat sleeve), his eyes wandered to the box on the table-and brightened.

“Ah, I see. You wanted to remind me to eat; thank you.”

And promptly he picked up the bear claw and bit into it.

“Sweeter than I like, but a nice texture,” he murmured around a mouthful, then exited the kitchen to go back to whatever experiment he was currently working on, still holding the doughnut.

After a moment, Stan and Dipper released each other sheepishly, rubbing the backs of their necks and avoiding each other’s eyes.

“Let’s...just pretend that didn’t happen, yeah?” Stan asked at last.

“Agreed.”

“...I can make ya a couple Stancakes real quick.”

“Thanks, Grunkle Stan.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully this was as funny as it sounded in my head.


End file.
